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Mark's introduction

Discussion in 'Introductions & Farewells' started by markhil, Jan 20, 2019.

  1. markhil
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    markhil Moderator
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    And here I am. Just a random guy from the Netherlands (no it isn't the minecraft nether... you doofs). Twenty years old (21 at 16-02-2019) and still in school. But what else do I have to say to you guys? Well, I have a dog, I am doing the study Applied Biology, I live with my parents, don't have any particular hobbies and I am gay. Sounds nice ain't it? Welp.. that is when you look on the outside. Just a fun, loving outgoing person who doesn't care about something stupid as negativity. Aaaanndd there we go. Mistake #1. Now I hear some people say 'what are you brabbling, get to your point!'. Well I will come to it sooner or later. First of all a little backstory (if you haven't already clicked away :3)

    When I was 11, I first began to experience feelings that I couldn't understand. Yepp... Mark was a little gay boy who didn't know what he had to do with his feelings towards his fellow male students. Some people knew I was uncertain about it. You've guessed it! I got bullied, hit, cussed at and it got a lot and I mean A LOT worse after that (not going to bother you guys with that type of stuff). And all those things, only because I was a boy who thought that a boyfriend would be awesome. 'Great! Fun story, but.. what do we need to do with that?'. Okay guys, hang on.. getting there. It got me into a depression. I hated myself and I got a lot of anger issues. I separated my feelings from the outside world, and became the biggest liar you could ever imagine. 'Mark how you doing?' while I responded "Good." and continued being a little depressed boy. 'Was that all?' no no, I am halfway there, just.. just wait and you will understand my point!

    In the years after that I tried to numb everything down. I tried to break myself down so I wouldn't feel any pain. Not feeling anything meant that there was no pain, although I would be unhappy. I couldn't get happy.. so I gave up. My life didn't matter and it wasn't a necessity to live anymore. I made some stupid mistakes and let other people misuse me, which gave me a weird feeling of happiness, even though I know that was all fake. To this day, I am fighting against this. My thought process, which helped me through my darkest period, is now the the one thing that holds me back from being happy. I thought others were important. More important than my life. I would die for others. And to this day it keeps haunting me. I keep putting others above me, knowing that it doesn't matter what happens to me. Not even tears, not even pain and most of all.. not even death.

    'Great Mark, what a lovely story.. you are such a stupid idiot now'. I know.. I was hesitating, but I had to write this story. I don't want people asking 'what's wrong? you okay?'. I am someone who gets energy from BMC, and I want to keep this stuff out of it. Am I depressed or feeling like I let others down? Then I will be offline. Simple as that. I have a different persona inside me, and sometimes he takes over my positivity. I will say stuff that doesn't make sense in the slightest, and that can hurt other people.

    So if I am neglecting you, don't think I hate you. I got a lot to deal with, but I will get there. You know why? Because I learned to keep those petty fights and negativity at bay and I focus on things that matter. Don't discuss with people when you can just leave them be. Put your energy in the things you like and love. Every time you are happy, is one time you didn't have any negative feeling. Every time you make someone laugh, is one moment where that person didn't feel like giving up. And that.. that is why I became staff. Not only to help people, but also to keep people happy. Life is tough, so why bother making it harder for yourself? Go out and look at the things you have, rather than the things you don't have.

    Thanks, for taking a moment to read.

    (@Roy, welcome to the dark side of your stupid brother ;D)
     
  2. JustJoeyGames
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    we all love you <3
     
  3. Qfrijters
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    Qfrijters Junior Member

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  4. ElChaco
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    we all love you mark <3 and we will love you forever
     
  5. ItsTimmyB
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    ItsTimmyB Owner
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  6. LenaCorn1
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    Waarom altijd van die lange teksten? XD maar heyoo!
     
  7. Zaylynn
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    Zaylynn Newbie

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    love ya mark ❤️
     
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